My Cat Has Died, What Do I Do Read online

  Book 4, The Pet Bereavement Series

  My Cat Has Died: What Do I Do?

  Making Decisions and Healing the Trauma of Pet Loss

  Wendy Van de Poll, MS, CEOL

  Kindle Edition

  Copyright © 2016 Center for Pet Loss Grief

  Wendy Van de Poll, MS, CEOL

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure that the information in this book was correct at the time of publishing, the author and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or other cause.

  DISCLAIMER

  If you are ever feeling like you can no longer function with your life, become suicidal, and any of the normal grief feelings have become extreme for you, then that is considered unhealthy grief. This is the time to call your hospital, medical practitioner, psychologist, or other health care provider that is trained to help you. Do not isolate yourself if you are experiencing unhealthy grief. Get the professional help that you require.

  THANK YOU!

  Thank you for purchasing My Cat Has Died: What Do I Do? To show my appreciation, I’m offering this special gift to support your journey because I am compassionately dedicated to helping you…my valued reader.

  Healing Cat Loss Meditation.mp3 will help calm the chaos and anxiety that you may be experiencing.

  To Download Your FREE GIFT

  Healing Cat Loss Meditation.mp3

  Please CLICK HERE

  This book is dedicated all the felines that have yet to find their forever homes.

  It is my wish that you find your way to rescue the hearts of cat-lovers who read this book and are coping with the loss of their feline companions.

  Contents

  Introduction

  LIFE WITHOUT YOUR CAT BEGINS: Section One

  Chapter 1—Discovering Your Grief

  Chapter 2—Identifying Your Stages of Grief and Loss

  Chapter 3—Discerning the Pet Loss Myths

  Chapter 4—Managing Inappropriate Comments

  Chapter 5—Understanding the Future

  Chapter 6—Caring for Your Soul

  DECISIONS TO BE MADE: Section Two

  Chapter 7—Tending to Your Cat’s Body

  Chapter 8—Planning for Burial, Cremation, or Pet Cemetery

  Chapter 9—Supporting Children with Pet Loss

  Chapter 10—Loving Another Cat

  CELEBRATIONS OF LIFE FOR HEALING: Section Three

  Chapter 11—Deciding on Mourning

  Chapter 12—Appreciating Your Cat’s Life

  Chapter 13—Writing a Love Letter

  Chapter 14—Accepting Your New Normal

  Chapter 15—Discovering the Afterlife

  Final Thoughts

  Resources

  Healing A Child’s Pet Loss Grief

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Thank You for Reading

  Introduction

  You are at home, sitting on the couch, and within a split second you are aware of something very unusual and different. Something is missing and you are feeling deeply alone and your heart is empty. This feeling is confusing to you and gets stronger with every moment—until reality hits you!

  Your cat is not there. Your cat is not snuggled on your lap purring as you shower her with love and compassion. Your cat is not there to listen to you as you share your daily adventures. Your cat isn’t pawing at your socks and grooming on her pillow.

  Realistically, what are you going to do? She is your best friend, and you couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her sweet meows, gentle nuzzles, and heart-vibrating purrs that filled your soul with delight. You wanted more time with her, and you wish she were still with you.

  You ask yourself, “What am I going to do?”

  The answer to this question—and the good news—is what I’ll be sharing in this book. I’m offering tools to support you through your grief and guide you on how to deal with all the changes that you are going to experience immediately after the death of your cat as well as support on how to prepare for the future. In this book, I supply you with options for ways to rescue yourself from the potentially overwhelming pet loss emotions when your cat is no longer physically with you.

  This book is for you if you if your cat has died and you are experiencing grief, having difficulty making important decisions, and you want to do something special to not forget the life you shared with your cat.

  My Cat Has Died: What Do I Do? Making Decisions and Healing the Trauma of Pet Loss has been written to give you options and tools for navigating your personal journey through this raw and challenging time, a time filled with so many emotions and unexpected experiences. It is here as a handbook to keep with you as a constant guide to offer support in this particular phase of losing your cat.

  My Cat Has Died: What Do I Do? Making Decisions and Healing the Trauma of Pet Loss will help you gain a deeper spiritual understanding of why your cat was in your life and will show you that even though your cherished feline is not physically with you, your special and unique spiritual relationship with them will continue to grow. You will learn ways to talk to your cat, so you can experience their presence never completely leaving you.

  Something special I’m offering you that I’ve not found in other pet grief books are contemplation questions. At the end of each chapter, you will find three Contemplation Questions, designed to help you proceed even more profoundly and personally in your journey. Additionally, I’m offering a free, downloadable Healing Cat Loss Meditation.mp3 to help you calm the chaos and anxiety that you may be experiencing. When you become a dynamic participant in managing your grief, the changes and growth that you experience become very personal.

  With years of experience in supporting people as their cats go from the physical to the spiritual realm I have gained a tremendous amount of wisdom and knowledge concerning the soul of the cat. Our cats have a unique view of the world and of us. And when we listen to their voices, they can have a profound effect on the way we as humans approach life.

  Along with my personal experiences with cats, plus being a certified end-of-life and pet loss grief coach (CEOL), as well as a licensed massage therapist for humans, horses, hounds, and, at times, cats, I have helped countless people around the world to feel safe with their feelings of grief and have a compassionate outlet to express what they are feeling.

  People who feel alone with their feelings of grief when their cats have reached the end of life have found support from the suggestions and information in this helpful book.

  Sasha, whose cat Louie suffered kidney failure, explained—

  This book is written with kindness and love, which is just what I needed when going through such a difficult time with Louie. I could dive right in and get the support and guidance I needed. There in the book are Wendy’s words to help you understand and deal with feelings of grief and to help you reflect upon your time with your cat. This book helps ensure you are doing everything to celebrate their life and to manage your own grief over your loss. Her words will help you heal.

  The case studies showed me that others have been through what I am going through, and they found a way to live through it and even experience moments of jo
y. I also liked the “Contemplation Questions” at the end of each chapter, which gave me a chance to explore my feelings and understand that they are normal for me. One of the toughest things about saying good-bye to Louie was knowing when would be the right time to let go. Wendy helped me with this and provided guidance on final-day preparation. This is such a difficult subject, but Wendy writes with apparent understanding and great compassion.

  I promise you that when you read and follow the tips in this book, you will feel like you have acquired a new best friend who totally gets what you are going through. And I promise it will be your first-aid kit that will give you solutions to some of the most difficult decisions and situations that you will experience.

  Please don’t be the person who goes through this difficult time of loss alone. Be the person who actively takes death by the hand. Be the person who can make sound decisions on how to honor your cat during this special time. And be the person who looks at the pet loss grief journey not as an opportunity to fear death but as a journey to learn, love, grow, and heal.

  The book that you are about to read will help you create a compassionate, respectful, healthy, and loving journey for yourself, all the while honoring your beloved cat, during this tough, yet unique, time.

  Remember—you never have to feel alone with your pet loss grief again!

  LIFE WITHOUT YOUR CAT BEGINS

  SECTION ONE

  No one ever told me that grief feels like fear.

  —C.S. Lewis

  Chapter 1—Discovering Your Grief

  You don’t need anyone telling you that the life you shared with your cat was special and unique! You had moments of deep and enduring love that filled your heart on a daily basis. The memories that you value are what will keep you connected to your cat forever.

  Yet, right now everything is unusual and new for you. Your cat is no longer physically with you, and you are noticing some very uncomfortable feelings that you are unsure of. Your emotions may be creating chaos in your life—you may be feeling extreme anxiety or even depression. You may be unsure of what to do next.

  Many of my clients ask me, “Does my sadness over the loss of my cat ever go away?” I would like to answer yes, but to be perfectly frank, the answer is no. However, by understanding what grief is and by employing the great tools and support that I offer you in this book, you are going to find that you are not alone. You will be able to navigate this tough journey with respect, forgiveness, and love—for both your cat and yourself.

  If you read the third book in this series, My Cat Is Dying: What Do I Do? Navigating the Emotions, Decisions, and Options for Healing, you read a lot about the characteristics of normal grief. Although there are many similarities with experiencing grief while your cat is alive, your grief will change after they are no longer in your life.

  As you continue your journey of grief or are just starting out with pet loss, I encourage you to consider this book as a trusted companion and support tool that will guide you and walk the journey of pet loss grief with you.

  I will help you understand what normal grief is and how you can begin to cope with it in this chapter.

  Normal and Healthy Grief

  If you are feeling hopeless right now because you don’t know whom to talk to, how to get help, or whom to get help from—you are experiencing normal grief. This chapter will help you understand and support this uncomfortable but normal feeling.

  If you are experiencing anger that your furry companion died or if you are feeling guilty, depressed, numb, or even shock—you are experiencing normal pet grief, and the tools in this book will help you process those feelings so that you will be able to appreciate and then celebrate the life you had with your cat.

  Once you understand what normal grief is and what the expectations are for you, your journey will become different—and more manageable.

  Case Study—Kris and Lily

  Kris was devastated that she had to euthanize her nine-year-old tabby named Lily. When she called me, it was 4 weeks since Lily had died. Kris was talking really fast, couldn’t sit down, and she hadn’t slept, eaten, or talked to anyone. She was beginning to isolate herself from her friends and family.

  During our first few conversations, Kris was so distraught that she wasn’t even able to form complete sentences when explaining the situation to me. She was bouncing from episode to episode, all the while expressing bouts of anger, anxiety, and sadness. Then at times, she was completely silent because she didn’t know how she felt.

  Your might find this interesting—Kris was having a healthy reaction to her loss. No, Kris’s grief was not easy or comfortable, but it was necessary and healthy for her to experience.

  I know that sounds strange, but this is how grief works: the fact that Kris could outwardly express herself to someone, who was nonjudgmental and could listen to what she had to say without adding advice or suggestions, is what helped Kris understand and cope with her grief, which, in turn, made her grief experience less fear-and anxiety-ridden.

  Just to clarify further, even though Kris’s grief was normal, that didn’t mean it was easy or short-lived. Kris was feeling weird about her feelings and was not comfortable with what was going on in her mind, in her body, and with her spiritual beliefs. And this is part of the normal, but unpleasant, grief experience.

  Kris also suffered from a huge amount of guilt after Lily died. She felt guilty about not doing more for Lily when she was alive. Lily loved chasing the laser, and Kris spent a lot of time on the computer. When Lily requested playtime, Kris often ignored these requests. Again, feeling such guilt is excruciating but also—normal.

  During our conversation, I encouraged Kris to talk about everything that she was feeling and going through—all the feelings that were driving her crazy and how she was going to begin to share this news with others.

  The result—Kris began to make sense of the myriad of feelings and physical sensations she was experiencing. She began to understand that what she was going through was very difficult but also—normal.

  Plus, she learned that her original expectation—that she could avoid feeling grief—was not realistic. When this expectation changed and she realized that grief was healthy, she felt much better.

  Over the course of our working together in my Rescue Joy from Pet Loss Grief program, Kris learned that her experiences of pet grief were difficult and uncomfortable but, at the same time, normal, healthy, and special.

  By understanding her feelings and accepting those crazy thoughts, sensations, and spiritual upheavals, she began to walk the journey of losing the physical Lily with respect for herself. This, in turn, gave her the direction and focus she needed to be present for the possibilities of a continued relationship with Lily on a spiritual level.

  When our conversation for that day ended, Kris wasn’t free from feeling grief. Yet, she had more strength and grounding to move forward to contemplate her next moment in this special journey.

  Element 1—Normal and Necessary

  What Kris’s story demonstrates is that the first thing about grief over the death of your cat is to know that what you are feeling and thinking, though uncomfortable and difficult, is also normal and healthy. Grief is necessary, so it is critical that you let your feelings happen.

  If you stuff grief down, so many detrimental things can happen to your health and well-being. Stuffing grief down will affect how you live—in a negative way—from the day your cat dies, to how you will mourn, and to how you begin to move forward.

  In fact, if you stuff your feelings down, your normal grief feelings can become unhealthy and result in unhealthy actions. We will talk about unhealthy grief later in this chapter.

  Normal Grief Feelings—A List

  Here are some normal feelings of pet grief that you may experience now or later in your journey.

  Physical ~ crying, sobbing, wailing, numbness, dry mouth, nausea, tightness in the chest, restlessness, fatigue, sleep disturbance, appetite disturbance, dizziness, f
ainting, or shortness of breath

  Intellectual ~ sense of unreality, inability to concentrate, feeling preoccupied with the loss, hallucinations concerning the loss, a sense that time is passing very slowly, or a desire to rationalize feelings about the loss

  Emotional ~ anger, depression, guilt, anxiety, relief, irritability, desire to blame others for the loss, self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, feeling overwhelmed, or feeling out of control, hopeless, or helpless

  Social ~ feelings of isolation or alienation, feeling rejected by others, or reluctance to ask for help

  Spiritual ~ feeling angry at your deity after your cat died and blaming them for the loss, or even bargaining to try and get your cat back.

  A Life of Its Own

  As you can see, normal grief is varied and expansive. The thing about grief is that it has a life of its own. What this means is that you can be going through a quiet period of your journey when you are feeling relatively good. Then something happens, and it triggers intense, and perhaps unexpected, feelings of pet grief.

  I am here to tell you to let this happen. Let yourself feel what you are going through. Let those feelings rage. Let your tears flow. It’s healthy and necessary.

  Abnormal Grief Feelings

  Yet, if you are ever feeling like you can no longer function with your life or if you become suicidal and any of the normal grief feelings become extreme, then that is considered unhealthy grief. This is the time to call your hospital, medical practitioner, psychologist, or a healthcare provider that is trained to help you. Do not isolate yourself if you are experiencing unhealthy grief. Get the professional help that you require.

  Element 2—Reach Out

  In addition to recognizing your normal grief feelings, a second essential component for navigating your pet grief journey is to reach out to someone else, as Kris did. Look for someone who will listen to every word of your conversation with respect and compassion, and share your grief experience with this person. In doing this, you will feel better about what you are going through, you will feel supported, and you will come to better understand your own grief.